this week, I've found myself...

worrying.

A lot.

For the past couple weeks Evan has been complaining about pain in his groin area. Usually he'll tell us that his "diaper hurts". He hasn't had a diaper rash or anything that I've seen to be a skin irritation so when I change him and if he says his "diaper hurts" I'll ask him to show me where. He points to his scrotum and says "hurts". For the first few days I kinda just played it off and watched to see if he'd keep saying it. Well, he has so I decided to call his pediatrician on Monday and we had an appointment on Tuesday afternoon. His doctor examined him and besides some redness (which I hadn't seen earlier that day) she couldn't see anything that could cause his pain. She decided to do a urine culture to see if anything was abnormal and as of right now, I'm still awaiting the results.

I called his doctors office this morning and asked if they could have his doctor call me when she returns to the office tomorrow. I want to ask her a few questions. My questions are probably over the top, way too worried mama questions, but I just have to ask them.

Questions like:

If the urine cultures come back normal and Evan still complains of pain, what do we do then?
Could his complaints be serious enough to be cancer?
Would having an Xray help to solve any worries of mine?

I know these are crazy questions but I can't help but be so worried this week. I've read so many heart breaking stories of little ones who do have cancer and it just scares me so much. It goes without saying that I love Evan so very very much. At night after we've already put him to bed, I just want to go in and hold him. When I think of the worst, I can't help but cry. Every time he says "diaper hurts" I cringe because I don't know why it's hurting. Plus he's only 2 and asking him questions about his pain really only yields to lots of yes's and no's randomly. So I don't know how bad the pain is or if he's playing it up a bit.

I just don't know and I just want some peace from this worry. Throughout high school, the Lord gave me a verse in which I wrote down on a scrap of paper and carried around in my backpack until I graduated.

"So do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I with strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

I know it's a sin not to trust the Lord and I know it shows my lack of faith in Him to be in control of this situation. It's just so hard when it comes down to your child. A parent worries and I am definitely no different. I love Evan so much. I just want to find out what the cause of the problem is and take care of it. It's the waiting that's so hard. Especially when you fear that the doctor may not find something serious in time. I also want to trust the Lord and know He's in control. I want to be able to give Him my burden and turn away from it. I want all of this so badly but I just can't seem to do it.

I feel like I've asked for a lot of prayer recently, but if there's anything that you would pray for, would you please pray for Evan? Would you pray that we find out the cause of his pain and that it won't be anything serious. If it is something serious, would you pray that the Lord give the doctors wisdom on how to best treat Evan and that I'd be given some peace? Would you also pray that the Lord give me the words to say to his doctor tomorrow so that I can clearly ask the questions I want to ask and so the doctor will understand and be able to answer me? And lastly, would you pray that I'm able to give this to the Lord?

Thank you so much.