I can't get Layla Grace out of my head. Thoughts of her run through my head all day. I pray off and on all day for a miracle. I pray for her parents and sisters. I pray for comfort and peace. I pray that Layla wouldn't be in pain. That she would feel and know that she's loved. That her parents love her so very very much. That they are with her every second of every day right by her side. Loving her. Praying for her. Crying for her. Loving her.
I read this post that her mother wrote recently. I couldn't stop crying. It's so true, every.single.word.
Reading those words stung. I couldn't help but feel completely guilty. I felt like a horrible mother for ever wishing for nap time to come for Evan. That I couldn't wait for bed time. That I wished that he'd just be still for just one second. That he'd just get out from under my feet. That he'd just stop touching everything. What if the time came that I'd lose him? What if I couldn't ever hold him again? Or tell him how much mommy loves him? What if I couldn't ever kiss those sweet little cheeks of his or even ask him for a 'kissy'? What if I wished away all the moments that I could have spent with him simply because I wanted to play on the computer or sew or watch TV or any other ridiculous thing that doesn't really matter? My priorities are in the wrong place. I need to change the way I think. The way I feel.
So what if I can hardly get out the door on time? So what if I'm late for Sunday School? So what if he constantly turns down the volume on the TV or changes the channel? So what if he chases the cats around...for 20 minutes? So what if he runs the opposite direction down the hall when I all want to do is get to where I'm going?
I want to treasure every.single.moment. We are not guaranteed tomorrow. I want to remember his face. His nose. His beautiful blue eyes. His wonderful laugh. His precious smile. His hands, fingers, feet and toes. His stubborn hair that just won't go the way I want it. His little pot belly. His cheesy, teethy grin. Hearing him say 'da da' and 'ma ma'. Or boop (book). How can I remember these things if I'm caught up in my own selfish desires? These days won't last forever. They'll be gone faster than a blink of an eye.
The Lord is doing His work through precious Layla Grace. What an awesome testimony for such a small girl. She's influenced more in her two short years of life than most do in 80. Even if the Lord doesn't heal her tiny little body this side of heaven, His glory will be revealed. He has a plan, as painful as it may be. But all He asks is for us to trust Him. He'll see Layla's family through this. Layla's story will touch many hearts. Change hearts.
She's changed mine.
Monday, March 1, 2010
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I feel the same way. After reading her story, it really made me realize that I needed to treasure those little moments with my girls too. It's so easy to get overwhelmed as Moms, but I truly believe it's because society tells us that we aren't doing enough if we aren't stressed and busy every second. Moms used to not have this kind of pressure, I don't think. I think there's just too many distractions, we have too much stuff, we're expected to do too many things at once, etc.
ReplyDeleteOh how I know exactly what you're saying! I spent the other night in tears after reading about Layla Grace. Thinking of the times, lately, that I haven't been able to put Kam down all day because she'd fuss, and thinking that it would be nice when she'd go down for a nap so that I could get the laundry done, or do the dishes, or *whatever*. It definitely made me stop and think how precious life is, and how it can be over in a moment. I want to enjoy every single second ~ even the not-so-glamorous ones :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this story with me. Sweet Layla Grace isin my prayers. I'm also thankful that her parents havea relationship with God...I can't imagine going through something like this without Him.
ReplyDeleteI read that same post you mentioned.
ReplyDeleteAs a parent who has lost a child, you do quickly learn to treasure every moment. But those moments of wishing for naptime or bedtime to come, for a little time alone, etc don't go away. I still have those!! But I have also learned not to sweat the small things. For ex, my house is messier b/c I don't spend the time doing housework like I used to.
We really aren't guaranteed tomorrow but we are also human and we'll have moments where we're frustrated with everything (including husband and kids) and have selfish moments. That just makes us normal.
Thinking about her too. My heart goes out to them, and I can't even imagine and hope I never have to. Praying for them today.
ReplyDeletei think it's 'okay' to feel the feelings of whew nap time. whew bed time. or whatever. what's important is treasuring each moment and to not be too hard on ourselves as moms. our plans are not gods plans all the time and we need to just live for him!! good post
ReplyDeleteI am always feeling guilty over things like that...I just need to love them so they know that they are loved & the most important thing to their mommy. I haven't read this post but I will head over. Thanks for sharing. Life is so fragile and it is so important to cherish every minute so you have no regrets.
ReplyDeleteI also read that same post after Jenilee mentioned it on her blog. Such a moving post and story of such a sweet girl. Definitley gets a person to see things in a different light for sure. I am so thankful for the gifts that are my girls!
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