hard day

Today we moved. I had a very hard time.

It's a little after 11:15pm and I'm sitting in my old home all by myself with my kitties. I just wanted to pop on real quick because our internet at the new house isn't set up yet. Our service is still available at our old home so while I'm here cleaning and stuff, that's about all the computer time I'll get I suppose.

Anyway, cleaning isn't the reason I'm here right now though. I just had to get out of the new house. It just doesn't feel like home, this is my home. I know there could be a bazillion other bad things happening in my life right now, but I'm just very very sad.

When the movers arrived this morning, I immediately burst into tears. It was too soon. I wasn't ready, not yet. Watching them remove all my furniture was so hard. I had to leave for a bit and take a walk. I cried the entire time. Pathetic I know but it just really hurts. One good thing happened while on my walk though, I found $20!!! We gave it to the movers as part of their tip. They did a fantastic job by the way...although, I hate them for moving me...anyway.

Once we got to the house and started unloading everything, I started to feel better and I was happy. I was happy for most of the day but when we arrived to our new home after dinner, I felt horrible. We got Evan all ready for bed and it just didn't feel right. That wasn't his room. Then Ben and I started to make our bed and I realized that I needed to mop the floor (we have hardwood floors) because there was just so much dust everywhere. So I mopped and then we started wiping down the walls which were also just covered in dust (the dust was from when the floors where refinished just before we moved in...which in my opinion could have been cleaned up a bit by the landlords...I'm bitter right now...sorry.) As I was wiping down the last wall, I encountered a daddy long leg spider at the top of the curtain rod which I almost hit. I hate spiders so when I saw this, I started freaking out. That combined with having to clean up dust, being in a new place and just being plain doggone tired, I just sobbed. I mean, really. I snorted and everything...how's that for a visual?

As I was crying, I realized that I had no pajamas, no tooth brush or tooth paste, no tampons and no lap top. They were all left at the old place. We are not all completely moved out yet, we really lagged. So there is still a bunch of stuff to be packed or tossed out but all our furniture is moved. So after Ben helped me make our bed, I drove on over here crying the entire way. I know I must sound pathetic and annoying. But I am a very sentimental person and anytime I've left somewhere I've lived, I always have a hard time...always. However, this time is different. It just hurts so much more for some reason. Perhaps it's because this is where we brought Evan home or because it was our first home we purchased or I don't know what, but it just stings when I think of never sleeping here again or sitting down at a family meal together. I know it was time and the Lord has plans for our family, but the sentimental person inside of me just can't let our little home go. It hurts so much.

Writing all of this out has helped me feel better a little and I'm thankful for that. I'm also thankful for all the help my dad gave us today. He basically helped all afternoon and into the evening with trying to set up our washer and dryer. We've made several stops at Home Depot, Orchard Supply and Ace and all don't have the one little tiny part we need. It's so frustrating. And also, my mother.in.law helped watch Evan overnight last night and for most of the day which was really helpful. We were able to get so much done because of that. It was wonderful!

So anyway, thanks for letting me ramble on about this. It's weird too because, I mentioned this to Ben last night, but even though both Ben and Evan moved with me, I somehow feel alone. It's so weird. I also feel scared and I'm not sure why either. I'm really hoping I start to feel better soon because feeling like this is so exhausting plus I really do want to enjoy my new home.

Ugh....and I just remembered that after I saw that spider, we weren't able to find it so I have to sleep under a window where a spider was and could still be hiding...waiting to crawl all over me as I sleep...ick.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July and I'll be on to post about ours as soon as things like the internet are all set up and ready to go.

Have a wonderful week!