So I decided to take a little blog break over the past week or so and it felt really good. A lot, and I mean, A LOT, has been going on in my life recently and I've just been feeling really really overwhelmed with it all.
Since the time we moved this past summer, things have been crazy in almost every area you can think of. I've been feeling this overwhelming feeling of guilt that I just can't seem to shake. It's like I feel so totally completely guilty that I'm not working and my husband is. He brings home the pay check and often times I feel like I have nothing to show for what I do at home. Yes, I'm taking care of little man and the house seems to stay clean, but that just doesn't seem like enough.
I feel like if I don't have an entire home cooked meal done every night, no laundry in the baskets (or left in the dryer!) or the dishwasher unloaded before the hubby gets home, I'm a failure. I feel guilty if those things aren't done. I know I shouldn't feel that way but I do and it just weighs so heavy on my shoulders.
I've also been stressing out about my blog. I feel like I'm not happy. I LOVE blogging, I mean LOVE, but I keep getting this feeling that I'm disappointing someone or making someone upset with me. For as long as I can remember, I've always struggled with confrontation. I feel so uncomfortable when someone is upset with me. All I want to do is make right whatever wrong has been committed, even if the wrong wasn't my fault, it's that bad.
I hope that I've accomplished what I've wanted to accomplish through my blog and that is to first, honor God and my family and second, make others happy and have them leave my blog feeling inspired by something. I don't ever want to hurt another person by anything I've said or done. I also don't ever want to step on anyone's toes for any reason at all. If any of you have ever felt that way about my blog, I sincerely apologize and I want you to know it never was intentional and all my motives and intentions come straight from my heart and no where else.
I love God and people. I crave relationships with others and I hope to be able to show my love for Christ to anyone who comes here. I get so inspired by all of you and I thank you for sharing your hearts and families with me.
This post may seem all over the place, but I guess the point to what I'm trying to say is, my heart hurts when I've upset or let anyone down. Be it my hubby, sister, mom, dad, friend or bloggie friend. I've just been feeling like a disappointment to so many in my life recently and it's just been a bit overwhelming. I know I just need to give myself a break but that's easier said than done most times.
A bloggie friend of mine reminded me of what Galatians 1:10 says:
"Am I now trying to win the approval of men or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."
I'm so glad she reminded me of this. I've been focusing so much on pleasing men that I've forgotten that I should be pleasing God. I should be using being a SAHM and my blog as a way to please the Lord and then I'll know I'm doing the right thing by everyone else.
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Bless your heart. I'm sorry you are struggling with these things. I can relate to you in so many ways. I am a Mom, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister, and a fellow blogger. I feel the exact same way about disappointing my husband since he works so hard for us. I struggle with this every passing day. He hardly ever gets to see his kids. It's sad. I don't know who made you feel like you were upsetting them in the bloggie world, but just know that I love your blog. I like that we have things in common and it gets me out of my daily rut. You seem like such a sweet person. Just know that I don't feel that way and I encourage you to write whatever your heart desires. If people truly care about you as a person and respect you, they will understand. After all, it's your blog and your business, and most importantly, we're all human. And, I agree. Your family and God come first. The rest of us will follow closely behind and be there if you need us. You can always go to my blog and contact me if you ever want to let it out! I hope you feel better and I'm glad your back!!! Sorry if this comment came across a little strange, but I mean it!!!
ReplyDelete:) Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability! I am thankful for you V and your blog! Glad to see you back!!!
ReplyDeleteThat verse is so true. Many times we focus on the approval of other people when the only approval we should want is God's. And remember, you will never be able to please everyone no matter how hard you try!!
ReplyDeleteI was wondering where you were. I am so sorry you are going through this. I ALWAYS leave your blog encouraged and happy. I love seeing all your creativeness. I don't see how anyone would think you stepped on their toes. You are always so sweet.
ReplyDeleteUgh, I am also sorry you're going through these feelings. I constantly feel like I'm not doing "enough" and I don't have kids yet... I can't imagine how much more I will take on then. When an outsider looks into my life they would surly say that I'm busy and productive... but it seems that I never feel like I've gotten enough done. For, there is always something I could have done that I didn't do. Then, my other struggle is feeling naggy and like I shouldn't be asking my husband for help with things that I do ask for help with. It's a constant cycle that is no fun at all!
ReplyDeleteI always enjoy reading your posts and you've certainly never offended me. I actually really appreciate bloggers, such as yourself, who are able to take a look in the mirror and honestly reflect in their writing. It is true, we are all human and have imperfections. So, keep writing to your heart's desire!!! :)