I haven't mentioned it at all here on my blog because it's just such a painful and touchy subject but I've been struggling through a rough patch in my marriage over the past 6 months. My husband and I have been together for almost 14 years and I guess I can be thankful that nothing major has come our way until now. So for that I feel blessed.
However, it doesn't negate the fact that the hurt runs deep and I struggle daily with taking one day at a time. Marriage is hard and something that needs work everyday. If it's not nurtured and cared for, it'll die, definitely not something I'm willing or wanting to happen. Although I will admit that there are days when I feel like walking out the door and giving up. But I know that that's not what the Lord wants me to do, what's best for Evan or even what Ben or myself really want. So I keep going on, working through the rough patches and trusting the Lord to lead us through this stormy time in our marriage. But it's hard, really hard.
Last November when I visited my BFF Bethany down in Grover Beach (near San Luis Obispo), she told me about a book she and her husband had read and ever since that time, I haven't forgotten about it and have been meaning to pick up a copy. It's called Love Dare and I bought it on Amazon this morning. I love the entire concept behind this book. It features different 'dares' for each day in which you are 'dared' to show love to your spouse in a certain way. I'm very excited and am looking forward to putting into practice the different ways I can show love to Ben in subtle yet obvious ways. Thanks Beth for showing me this book! Love you girl!
Along with Love Dare, I purchased three other books that I'm excited to start in on. The second book is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This is an older book that I've known about for a long time but I've come to the realization that Ben and I need to be shown love in two completely different ways. I've read a bit of the quiz in the back of the book and for what I've read, Ben's love language is touch and my love language is gifts. Ben feels loved when he is touched, hugged, holding hands, kissing and other physical acts. I feel loved when I receive gifts. I don't want to confuse the gift with being materialistic but rather it's the thought and love that are behind the gift. Ultimately, I feel loved when I know that Ben has been thinking of me or that when he saw a certain thing it reminded him of me. It could be something as little as a stick of gum. The fact that he thought of me because of that single stick of gum, makes me feel loved. So I'm also looking forward to reading this book and learning more about Ben's love language so that I can be there and meet his needs so that he knows I love him. This is going to be a good book!
The third book I bought was the new Ann Voskamps book One Thousand Gifts. I've heard a bit about it over the blogosphere and it spiked my interest so I decided to get this one too. I don't know much about it but I'm looking forward to seeing what it's all about!
And lastly, this morning while watching the TODAY show, they had a segment with Candace Cameron Bure who was talking about her new book Reshaping It All. In it, Candace talks openly about her eating disorder and faith. I'm very much looking forward to reading her story and hopefully gaining some inspiration when it comes to my physical and spiritual life. She looked so darn (that word, when typed looks an awful lot like the other three letter word! haha) cute too! Her eyes are so sparkly!
Anyway, I'm so excited to get to reading! Ben recently purchased the Kindle and while I think it's pretty cool, there's just something about having an actual book to hold! haha! So anyhow, this is what I'll be upto this month! I'm so excited!
Oh but before I go, I'd like to ask if you could hold Ben and I up in prayer? The enemy is working overtime in our house and marriage and there is no way I want him to destroy us. The Lord is with us and guiding us and shaping us, but we just need that extra blanket of prayer from my friends in Christ! Thank you so much!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
LinkWithin
I'm saying a prayer for you!
ReplyDeleteThe other day I was flipping through the free Kindle books and downloaded this one: http://www.amazon.com/Year-Book-Devotions-Couples-ebook/dp/B000SEZPX0/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1296649279&sr=1-9
I honestly haven't opened it yet, but figured I'd pass along the link in case you're interested.
I will say a prayer for you both.
ReplyDeleteYou got it, sweetie! I'm sorry to hear about your marriage, but just know you are not alone in this. Aaron and I go through struggles every day - we'll be together a total of 14 years this August. Nothing is picture perfect and never will be. Aaron works...a lot. In fact, we hardly ever see him. I work. I'm a SAHM, a full-time photographer, and I make crafts on the side. Along with cleaning, paying bills, and keeping everyone on task, my workload is heavy. At the end of the day, sometimes I don't have anything left over for my husband. At this point he is more into our marriage than I am. So, it's just a matter of me making a change and wanting that change. It takes two. I thought blogging and Facebooking would do me some good since I never get an escape - no sick days or vacation days. It was time to escape, even for a few minutes at a time.
ReplyDeleteI've seen the movie, "Love Dare". It sends out such a powerful message, regardless of where you stand in your faith. I've been meaning to get that book myself and I look forward to it's life-changing lessons, as we all need them. I feel you, I really do. I can totally relate. If you need to vent, I'm always here for ya.
Love,
Andie
Those are all great books. I think I have all of them! I will be praying for you too. Oh, have you seen Fireproof? It's based on the Love Dare book and it truly changed my marriage when I was in a spot just like you described. It is one of THE best movies ever!!! You have to watch it, if you haven't already and get Ben to watch it with you. You can even find it on youtube. It just really helps you to see things from each others perspective. Just talking about it is making me want to go watch it again! :D Another piece of advice someone gave me (actually Kelly Stamps) was to get Stormie O'martian's book, Power of a Praying Wife, and to start praying for your husband. It's hard to do because sometimes we get so mad that we don't want to pray for them! But, I will tell you that that movie, combined with me praying for my husband, it changed our lives!
ReplyDeleteI will definitely be praying for you and your marriage. Yes, marriage is NOT easy! We go through our highs and lows. Hang in there, give it all you got. I love how you are turning to the Lord during this storm.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
Jen
I will definitely be praying for you both. It looks like you are taking great steps. I may have to look into those books too. Praying for you guys. Thanks for sharing your heart.
ReplyDeleteI will be praying for you, friend. Marriage is work for sure, but it is also the beautiful picture of the trinity that shares the message of the gospel to the outside world. It is SO important that we take the time to make sure our marriages are accurately reflecting that relationship.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for you two and I think it's so awesome you can be real on your blog (when so few people talk about it but we ALL have these rough patches in marriage)!! I'd love to hear how you like the books - several of them are ones I've been meaning to pick up too!
ReplyDeleteI will also say that the movie Fireproof has a great message behind it... However, don't expect the acting to be good! ;o) The premise is great and I would assume can do great things in a marriage.
ReplyDeleteMy hubby and I have been going through the 5 Love Languages book and there are some great things to learn in that book also.
I have also heard that the Power of a Praying Wife book is great! Lots of good options out there...
I hope that you find some comfort in opening up on your blog as there are bound to be plenty of wives and mommies that can understand!!!!
Oh Veronnica, thank you so much for sharing your heart! I am praying for you guys! All those books are awesome, and I will add anything by Gary Thomas is great! Sacred Marriage is amazing!! Really amazing!
ReplyDeleteI will def keep you guys in prayer. Hoping that you'll be able to climb over this mountain and be happier than ever. And the love dare is a good book!
ReplyDeleteI will be praying! the book that helped us the most in our marriage is "Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas. It changed how we looked at each other, at God and at our marriage! I highly recommend it. In fact, we use it for marriage classes and counseling. The videos, if you can get your hands on them, are really great too. Sounds like you are doing the right thing! Marriage is so hard! Keep praying!
ReplyDeletePraying for you both! Amazing that being married to the one we love the most can be the absolute hardest thing we ever do! Sharing this isn't easy, but wow, you must know that you are not alone. Thank you so much for sharing your heart!
ReplyDeleteContinue to let God lead you! He is strong enough!
Blessings,
Holly
http://hallelujahsbyholly.blogspot.com
I think admitting the problem is so key! How can you fix it if you won't admit its there? I have the fireproof movie if u want to borrow it. It is a good book so Is 5 love languages, there's one for kids too! Marriage is hard! Devin and I went for counseling right before b was born, we wouldn't of made it without it, and our marriage has only gotten stronger we still have struggles, but we learned to grow up and communicate, and to realize its not all about me, and sometimes it doesnt matter "who's" right, but "what" is right. Hang in thete and I'm always hete for you!
ReplyDelete